Odyssey Spin-off Series in the Works?

This was seen posted at odysseyscoop.com on Tuesday, February 14, 2012, but mysteriously vanished a few hours later...

"Have you ever imagined an Adventures in Odyssey spinoff series? Although it hasn't been officially approved by Focus on the Family for production, the wheels are turning. Take a look at what the series could (perhaps) involve:

A new spin-off series may be in the works for older Adventures in Odyssey fans, ages 13–20, featuring your 3 favorite characters, Whit, Connie and Eugene, and other old favorites as well! The stories and situations will center around Campbell County Community College and deal with spiritual warfare, covert government operations and more! This idea is not yet officially approved by Focus on the Family, but if it sounds exciting to you, tell all of your AIO friends! Let’s get this spin-off series on the air!

Will an Adventures in Odyssey spinoff series actually happen? That's where you come in. If you are interested in seeing Odyssey branch off into a similar series for older listeners, be sure to show your support and share with other AIO fans. Of course, we'll keep you posted as Odyssey news hits the fan in the days ahead. Show your support and bring even more valuable Adventures in Odyssey!"

A Sneaky Little Fellow...

When Andrew was a boy
He was a sneaky little fellow
He was also rather coy
Yet with a truck under his pillow…

He liked to walk his pig
In the wee hours of the night
Upon his brother big
Until he’d jump in fright.

Sleepy eyes were out of luck
With the pain caused by these eye-sores
For in addition to the truck
There were also poky dinosaurs.

He would get up in the night
And ask for too much milk
Begging with all his might
In voices less soft than silk.

My dad would hide out in the hall
Staying out of view
For out yonder his son would soon crawl
As a dog returns to puke…

Andrew also escaped from the nursery
On occasions many and fine
He felt pre-school much too cursory
And joined the old folks up in prime-time.

At that time his father was not feared
For Andrew lacked the logic of Spock
Also, back then dad had no beard
So his countenance commenced less shock.

Andrew sure was sneaky alright
Yet had his due comeuppance
For one day whilst escaping with might
Was gathered up in the arms of his grandpaps.

Disaster

The glowing star has fallen from the sky
Blazing brightly, a burning rock of fire
The people of the earth let out a cry
A shout that pierces through the atmosphere.

It splits apart and then hits the surface
Colliding with the land and water both
People of earth – all panicked and nervous
All of them are outside of Noah’s boat.

The ground caves in and the waters spew out
The fountains of the deep have been released
The people of the earth let out a shout
then drown from the disaster in the East.

Only the seven plus Noah so old
Open their eyes to see a brand new world.

Attaining Wisdom

Here is some advice
It will keep you wise
And happy in this year
The wisdom starts here:

Make sure you poop once a day
For it’s a bad thing to delay
If you have to go today,
Why wait ‘til Saturday?

Be sure to eat lots of meat
Because meat is very neat
And it contains a lot of protein
To keep your muscles always bloating

And stay far away from cats
Because cats are always brats
And they make you sneeze
Because of your allergies

Vegetables you must avoid
Not because you’re paranoid
But because they are bad
Very very very bad

Now you are wise
At least in my eyes
So happy birthday to you
My brother of decades, two

The Sanctified Snowman

There once was a snowman named Fred
He wore a top hat on his head
He looked on sunny days with dread
They reminded him someday he’d be dead.

He showed up to church every Sunday at ten
And sat smiling in his pew until it would begin
He sang hallelujah and shouted amen
The preacher preached freedom from Satan and sin.

Afterwards everyone sat down to eat
Potlucks after church are always a treat
They ate there for hours, it was really quite neat
Until someone decided to turn up the heat.

Our snowman friend Fred was now in deep trouble
For while eating his meal he turned into a puddle.

The thermostat had been turned up to a whopping ninety-seven
But Fred didn’t care much because he was in heaven.

This Old Sage

You are two-thirds of my age
And three-thirds of my height
But don’t start boasting
Because that is just not right.

Unless you boast in Christ of course
As your middle name would suggest
But please don’t preach ‘til midnight
Give that little apostle some rest.

By the time you get to be my age
You’ll be three-fourths on your way
To catching up with the years of this sage
Though your height may stay at bay.

But hey, who knows for sure, right?
After all, I'm a rather short man
By the time you catch up to my age
I may have shrunk an entire span!

Happy Birthday Nathan!!!

Love, this old sage

Cheese and Cherries

Today is your birthday

So don’t get sick

Stay away from fleas

And especially dirty tics.


Don’t eat too much cheese

And many cherries don’t consume

And don’t go "yellow-booking"

Unless you want a heat-stroke doom.


Don’t go near the Iowa border

That would just be silly

You want a happy birthday

So don’t eat Wendy’s chili.

No Raisin Cakes of Death

Happy Birthday, Dad and Caleb!!!


There once was a strong man named Caleb
who had a raccoon on his head
he liked to pick up trees
and eat honeybees
he had a pet bear he named Ted

Actually, ted was really a dog
a dog as big as a log
and her name wasn't Ted
it was tundra, she said
and she ate twice as much as a hog

But there was, so you see, one item that
could make neither dog nor man fat
do not make the assumption
that this is for consumption
Pharaoh used it to ward off the gnat

There once was a rabbi named Stephen
who attempted a cake without Levin
still technically koshers
according to Moshers
but perhaps the measuring scales were uneven

Still at least it was not a raisin cake
so nobody's life was at stake
no lament or grief at Kir Haraseth
for there were no raisin cakes of death
only a sad lemon fake

:) :) :) :)

Your Birthday Kilt

Dearest brother,

You shouldn’t feel such guilt
When you wear your birthday kilt
It’s like a tiny checkered quilt
That you put on with your hilt.

You are a man well-built
On this world with axis-tilt
Rock-like muscles unlike silt
Hidden ‘neath that criss-cross felt.

You’re a Tai Kwon Do black belt
And on top of that a Celt
In your path men cower and wilt
With the likes of you they’ve never dealt.

Like a giant on a stilt
Is this Nathan guy so built
So on your birthday do not jilt
Your manly birthday kilt.

…..just don’t forget your underwear. That’s a bad first impression.

Love, brother

Be Happy This Day You Avoided The Tuxedo

Dear Matthew, you’re my brother
I’m so sorry you’ve been smothered

In Iowa no less
In this horrid heat wave stress.

Not a very nice way
To spend your seventeenth birthday

I send my best wishes
And hugs and kisses

You realize of course this was not my doing
If it were I think you’d be suing

Now go celebrate you birthday
May many blessings come your way

Avoid Wendy’s chili or a bean burrito
And be happy that this day you avoided the tuxedo.

Your Hair Will Fall Like Cheap Confetti

Nathan, you are getting old

But hopefully not growing mold

I do not know, I’ve not been told

If you have hair, or if you’re bald.


Soon I’m sure, if not already

Your hair will fall like cheap confetti

No more styling it to look like spaghetti

It’s all coming out, so please hold steady.


And then your hearing will begin to go

Your feet won’t take you to and fro

Your senility will be quite the show

But not as much as your older bro.


If you eat right you may even keep your hair

For awhile anyway before they start to compare

you to a naked mole-rat – whose head is also bare

But only if every morning you eat a pair…


Of eggs and fruit with vitamin C

And if you drink enough water even though it makes you pee

During your favorite show, which is worse than during a drawing spree

But very much worth it…unless of course you want to be bald like me.


What does this stuff have to do with anything?

Why, it has everything to do with everything…and nothing

On this day you were born and that’s why we sing

You were born in late summer and not in the spring.


Which means that your chances of balding are lesser than mine

But really it’s only a matter of time

Before the grim reaper comes with his sickle to dine

Upon the bountiful harvest of our poor follicles fine.


Happy Birthday, Nathan! :)

Matthew's Favorite State

Matthew, Oh, Matthew, wouldn’t it be great

If next year on this particular and most special date

It became, to your excitement, your most pleasant fate

To hang out in Iowa, your most favorite state?

And drive and drive until really quite late

While listening to Bart ask (for the 100th time) for a butter plate

While the lobsters run wild, though they’d taken the bate.

You see, they chose not to accept their fate,

Though honestly they all still probably got ate.

And you’ll be sitting there chilling in your most glorious fate,

Though basking might be a better word since you won’t be chilled on that date.

You’ll be thinking how good it felt to wear a suit that you hate

And how pleased you were to sacrifice for your brother and his mate

And you’ll be wondering why the Newsboys became the band of Michael Tait

And why your brother made you do this when his wedding was actually on a later date.

It was all brotherly love, you see, because your brother knew it’d be great

If on your birthday you got the treat of visiting your very most favorite state.

…after Utah of course, but that’s asking too much.

The Moonlight

As I sit upon this hill tonight
The grass begins to soak my pants
I take it in, this still, calm sight
And slowly notice all the plants.

The trees grow tall down by the river
Absorbing moisture night and day
A breeze comes up and makes me shiver
It also makes the branches sway.

I came here to escape the town
I needed a place of solitude
It’s hard to think when you’re running around
and stuffing your face with too much food.

The worries of life are all too near
The lights of the town shine bright behind me
I can’t be alone even way out here
I notice a couple on a bench beyond me.

I look down at them from on top of the hill
I wonder what their memories recall
The river’s fast, but they are still
And I realize they’re not even thinking at all.

They don’t seem to have any worries or fears
They must have tuned out all the chaos at home
This nation of ours has seen many years
But the enemy, now at our doorstep, has come.

Two spies were caught not fifty miles from here
The folks in town are all edgy and nervous
The kids at the college have been drinking more beer
while others have gone to sign up for the service.

The life of a student is the life for me
To study away without fearing the Draft
Sometimes I wonder what good’s a degree
if tomorrow we’ll only be wiped off the map.

We should have seen it coming
We should have expected it
Idleness – so becoming!
But now we’re regretting it.

Behind me, the lights of the town go out
I’ll be walking back home in the darkness tonight
The enemy won’t see us if there’s no light about
but I can’t find my way when there’s not any light.

I decide that I’ll wait ‘till the moon comes out
I’ll be able to see with the full moon so bright
The couple I noticed are now making out
I try to ignore their kiss under the starlight.

It’s hard to find a place where I can just be alone
Out here on the grass with the smell of the dirt
I lie down on my back and let out a short groan
The dew from the grass just soaked right through my shirt.

Things don’t always work out just the way we expect
That’s something I learned a long time ago
I wish that couple would leave - no disrespect
Then again, I don’t really want them to go.

I’ve seen enough people leave
From my life and the world
I’ve seen enough people grieve
All their strife makes me old.

I remember the days of the great earthquake
- Everyone said it was the end
Even now the bones in my body still shake
But we still had plenty of time left to spend.

I rise and stare out over the horizon
- Past all of the mist in the trees
There’s nothing really to focus my eyes on
So I breathe and enjoy the soft breeze.

Maybe everything will turn out alright
- Maybe we’ll beat the stakes
Maybe I won’t have to go out and fight
and die like the lot in the quakes.

I look up as the clouds begin to part
and the light of the moon shines through
Coming up over the horizon, it gives me a start
and the shouts of the couple do too.

They stare at the moon from their quaint little seat
And from top of the hill so do I
Now we are certain that everything’s beat
- Covering the moon – blood-red dye!

For a moment I thought there was maybe some hope
of raising a family in this nation so old
But now I am seeing from a much bigger scope
It’s the end of our nation – and also the world!

The Birthday Skunk

If I were to have a skunk for a pet
I'd buy so much air-freshener I'd go into debt
I'd be friends with Febreeze, but not with the vet
If I were only to have a skunk for a pet

Just to look at his fur would remind me of Oreos
I'd take him on walks and I'd feed him Doritos
And whenever he'd get a craving for Cheerios
I'd take him to Taco Bell and buy him burritos

But all of those beans would I think be bad news
Still I'd let him have at them if that's what he'd choose
With his cute little eyes I could hardly refuse
Oh, and before I forget...happy birthday to you's.

The Divine Mystery

This script was written as a part of Focus on the Family's "Adventures in Odyssey College Writers Scholarship Contest" and is now the property of Focus on the Family.

Scene 1: In the Park

(Eugene, Emily, Matthew)

Scene opens with soft orchestral version of first two lines of hymn “Of the Father’s Love Begotten.” In the park, Eugene is enjoying the peace of a light snow.

EUGENE

(sighs deeply to himself)

Ahh… the beauty of the great outdoors. What divine mysteries we find in contemplation… amidst the wonders of all God’s creation… Ooh, I believe I could possibly find a song in that. Too bad I didn’t bring my ukulele…

Matthew and Emily walk up to Eugene.

MATTHEW

Hi, Eugene!

EUGENE

Hmm? What? Oh, Greetings, Mr. Parker, Ms. Jones.

EMILY

What are you doing?

EUGENE

Oh, um, merely enjoying the beauties of the first snowfall of the year whilst pondering certain theological mysteries.

MATTHEW

Oh… catching snowflakes on your tongue again?

EUGENE

Mmm… something like that, yes.

MATTHEW

Nice. Well, we’re on our way to Whit’s End. Come on, Emily. Watch out for stray snowballs, Eugene.

EUGENE

Huh? Oh, yes, thank you.

EMILY

Wait. Did you say “mysteries”?

MATTHEW

Oh, no.

EUGENE

Indeed I did.

EMILY

You know, Matthew and I are pretty good at mysteries.

MATTHEW

Actually, we’re not that great at them. Let’s go, Emily - it’s cold.

EMILY

Speak for yourself, Matthew.

MATTHEW

Okay… I’m not that great at them. In fact, I stink so bad…

EMILY

Shh! You’re brilliant, now be quiet. Okay, Eugene, let us in on this mystery of yours.

MATTHEW

Here we go again…

EUGENE

Well, Emily, I don’t know if I can quite explain it adequately, but I suppose I could make an attempt.

EMILY

What kind of mystery is this? Theft? Missing person? Counterfeit operation?

EUGENE

No, it’s really more of a theological and or philosophical conundrum… a paradox, if you will.

MATTHEW

A pair of socks?

EMILY

No, Matthew. A paradox. It means… uh… what does it mean?

EUGENE

Paradox. Noun. A statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth.

MATTHEW

I knew that. So what self-contradictory absurdities have you been pondering today, Eugene?

EUGENE

Well… it was something Mr. Whittaker said, actually. He wanted me to contemplate the concept of, and I quote, “The kingdom is and is yet to come.”

EMILY

The kingdom is and is yet to come?

EUGENE

Precisely.

EMILY

I don’t get it. How is that even possible? Is and is yet? What does that even mean?

EUGENE

That’s what I’ve been trying to determine.

MATTHEW

Wait. What? The kingdom is and is yet to come? So there’s like this castle somebody built that hasn’t actually been built yet?

EUGENE

Yes! I mean, no. I mean… uh… castles? Hmm… interesting notion… perhaps I should take that possibility into consideration.

EMILY

So, Mr. Whittaker wanted you to find out about this kingdom-castle thingie that doesn’t even exist?

MATTHEW

No, it apparently exists without existing.

EUGENE

Can you understand my dilemma?

MATTHEW

Not really. It sounds like a messed up fairy tale. I mean, how can the princess let her hair down from the castle tower if it hasn’t even been built yet?

EUGENE

Because it has been built!

EMILY

But you just said it wasn’t.

EUGENE

Yes! It hasn’t been! So how can the princess let down her hair!? …Unless of course just as she was letting her hair down she traveled back to a time when the castle had not yet been built!

MATTHEW

Maybe she’s a time-traveling princess who showed up at the wrong time.

EMILY

Yeah, Matthew, that makes a lot of sense.

EUGENE

Ah, yes! It’s the space-time continuum! How else could the kingdom exist and not yet exist?

EMILY

Better question: Why does this princess have such crazy long hair in the first place?

EUGENE

No! No! You’re breaking my train of thought! Excuse me. I need to go and… be gone for awhile.

Eugene runs away, mumbling something about the princess stuck in the time-space continuum.

EMILY

Is he going to be okay?

MATTHEW

Yeah. He gets like that sometimes.

EMILY

Do you think we should go after him? He was acting kind of weird.

MATTHEW

Not any weirder than usual.

EMILY

Yeah… good point.

Scene 2: Outside Whit’s End

(Emily, Matthew, Wooton)

Emily and Matthew are walking towards Whit’s End.

EMILY

Hmm… the kingdom is and is yet to come…

MATTHEW

Would you stop repeating that?

EMILY

Oh, right. - Not getting involved.

WOOTON

Hey guys!

MATTHEW

Oh, hey Wooton. Wow, nice sword!

EMILY

Um… Wooton? Why are you dressed like that?

WOOTON

Oh, I was on my way to the medieval fair over in Connelsville and thought I’d stop by the Little Theater and get into costume.

EMILY

It looks like you got into more than one costume.

WOOTON

(chuckle-snorts)

Yeah, I had a hard time choosing between the suit of armor and the monk’s robe.

MATTHEW

So you put them both on…

WOOTON

Yeah, the parts that fit me anyway. The stomach armor was a bit tight… and the helmet didn’t fit over my hood.

EMILY

And you’re going to go to the medieval fair like that?

WOOTON

I don’t want to be underdressed. I was going to use the suit of armor I have at home, but there was an unfortunate incident with the bathtub… Anyway, I’m off to go slay dragons with my trusty sword!

MATTHEW

I repeat - nice sword!

WOOTON

Her name’s Rhiannon. Together we shall carry forth to rescue fair maiden trapped in the darkest tower of the enemy’s castle fortress! …followed by a potluck at the local monastery.

EMILY

Speaking of castles…

MATTHEW

Ah! No, we’ve moved past that topic, Emily.

WOOTON

Why? Castles never get old. (beat) Uh… no, wait…

EMILY

Okay, fine. I won’t bring it up.

MATTHEW

Yes.

WOOTON

Bring what up?

EMILY

A mystery!

MATTHEW

No.

WOOTON

(gasps)

About castles?

EMILY

Yes! And a mysteriously disappearing kingdom!

WOOTON

(frightened)

Oh my!

MATTHEW

Now, wait a minute, Emily. Eugene didn’t say anything about it disappearing.

WOOTON

Eugene?

EMILY

No, he said it is and is yet to come… which is just Eugene-talk for saying that it vanished and he hopes it comes back.

WOOTON

(concerned)

I hope so, too. I’d hate to misplace a whole kingdom.

EMILY

Maybe it wasn’t misplaced. Maybe it was stolen!

MATTHEW

You think some guy hid a whole kingdom under his coat and walked off with it? How many kingdoms even exist anymore?

EMILY

None… they were all stolen!

WOOTON

Except for jolly old England of course.

EMILY

England could be the next to go!

WOOTON

Sad day.

MATTHEW

You don’t actually believe that someone’s going to steal England, do you?

EMILY

That’s not important. All that matters is that it’s a good excuse to start investigating. A whole kingdom could be at stake!

WOOTON

You’re right! We need to do something!

EMILY

The Jones and Parker Detective Agency is on the case!

MATTHEW

Parker and Jones.

EMILY

That’s not alphabetical.

WOOTON

And Wooton Sherlock Bassett!

EMILY

Alright, we need more clues.

WOOTON

Where should we start?

EMILY

We should start with Eugene.

MATTHEW

Uh… I think we already did that.

EMILY

I know, but he wasn’t very helpful. In fact, I bet he was trying to hide something from us. You saw how nervous he got.

MATTHEW

Well… I guess that was kind of suspicious. But if he’s hiding something, then why would we go back to him?

EMILY

We should follow him from a distance. He might unintentionally lead us to more clues.

WOOTON

Ooh, I love a good covert operation… but I might want to change first. I think the snow is rusting my armor.

EMILY

We need a base camp.

WOOTON

I have a tree house.

MATTHEW

A bit cold for that, isn’t it?

WOOTON

I just had central heating installed – and a hot cocoa maker.

MATTHEW

Ooh! Okay, I’m in.

EMILY

Great! We’ll meet you there in twenty minutes, Wooton.

MATTHEW

By the way, can I keep the sword?

Scene 3: In Wooton’s Tree House

(Emily, Wooton, Matthew)

This scene takes place in Wooton’s tree house.

EMILY

Alright, Matthew, what do we have?

Wooton climbs into the tree house.

WOOTON

Here I am! Don’t start without me!

MATTHEW

Wooton? You’re dressed up like Sherlock Holmes.

WOOTON

Well, now that would be stating the obvious, Mr. Watson.

EMILY

No wonder it took you so long to get here.

WOOTON

Sorry. You can start now.

MATTHEW

Alright. Here are some spy goggles and some walkie-talkies in case we get separated.

EMILY

We’ll be able to watch Eugene from a distance with these. But you, Wooton - you’ll get closer to Eugene than we will.

WOOTON

Why do I have to get close to him?

EMILY

It’s not like he smells bad… and he’s probably on to us. We asked him too many questions earlier.

WOOTON

Speaking of Eugene, isn’t that him there now?

MATTHEW

What! Where?

WOOTON

Oh, in that car at the stop light.

EMILY

Quick! We’ve got to follow him!

MATTHEW

He’s pulling away! Hurry!

Scene 4: Outside the Food Bank

(Wooton, Emily, Matthew)

They cease from running and pant heavily.

WOOTON

Oh, man, I haven’t run so much since I was on Connie’s diet.

EMILY

Detective rule number one: never engage in a car chase on foot.

MATTHEW

No, that’s rule number sixteen. Rule number one is never engage in a car chase on ice.

WOOTON

I think we’ve lost him. Sorry, guys, I just can’t keep up. I think I’m going to pass out. Someone please dangle a fresh piece of licorice in front of me.

EMILY

Wait! That’s his car over there! Look! In front of the food bank!

MATTHEW

He must have gone inside.

EMILY

You’ve got this one, Wooton. We’ll wait for you out here. But remember: be casual!

WOOTON

Oh, don’t worry, I’ll be the most casual mailman dressed as Sherlock Holmes Eugene has ever seen.

Scene 5: In the Food Bank

(Wooton, Eugene)

In the Food Bank, a Bing Crosby-like rendition of “Of the Father’s Love Begotten” can be heard over the radio at first. Eugene is filling a shopping cart.

EUGENE

Wooton, if you don’t mind my asking, why are you sporting such unusual attire?

WOOTON

Do you mean why am I dressed like this? Uh, I’m not at liberty to discuss that.

EUGENE

Okay, so… what exactly did you wish to discuss with me?

WOOTON

Huh? Oh, right, right. Well, Eugene, you see I was… Oh, hey, they’ve got mini muffins here!

EUGENE

That’s what you wished to discuss?

WOOTON

It wasn’t, but it is now. Do you know how awesome those things are? You should add them to your cart. - Oh, wow! Moderately fresh licorice! They’ve got it all here!

EUGENE

More or less.

WOOTON

What’s the name of this grocery store again?

EUGENE

This is the local food bank, Wooton. I’m making a collection right now.

WOOTON

Oh! Snack cakes! They’ve got snack cakes! You can’t leave here without getting snack cakes. Here, let me help you.

EUGENE

Uh… very well. How did you know I would be here, by the way?

WOOTON

I didn’t. I’ve just been following you around town.

EUGENE

And why, might I ask, have you been following me?

WOOTON

To ask you a question.

EUGENE

And, uh, what would be the nature of this inquiry?

WOOTON

What do you know about the mysteriously disappearing kingdom?

EUGENE

I see word has gotten around.

(sighs deeply)

If you must know, the concept with which I was wrestling was not a disappearing kingdom, but more like, um, an invisible one… I suppose.

WOOTON

Oh, cool, like the cloaking device Power Boy uses to hide his stash of shining arrows?

EUGENE

Yes… No… No, not like that. You see, it’s not really invisible, but hidden.

WOOTON

Sounds like a cloaking device to me… or a really big game of hide and seek.

EUGENE

Hide and seek, yes! It’s a bit like that! Except that this kingdom hasn’t gone off and hidden itself somewhere. We’re the hidden ones.

WOOTON

We are?

EUGENE

Indeed. You see when Jesus spoke of this kingdom in the Gospels he said it was within you.

WOOTON

Within me? Oh no, I’m pretty sure I didn’t eat that for breakfast. I had Chewy Choco Chums. But that gravy I had for dinner last night was a little mysterious. You don’t think-

EUGENE

Well, the you wasn’t singular.

WOOTON

Oh, so you could have eaten it for breakfast, too?

EUGENE

Well, I suppose, in a metaphorical sense. Speaking of breakfast foods, would you mind handing me that granola?

WOOTON

You call that breakfast food? No way! Go for the Chewy Choco Chums!

EUGENE

What? That’s not even food!

WOOTON

Is too! I put peanut butter and maple syrup on mine every morning!

EUGENE

(shudders)

That sounds revolting.

WOOTON

Oh! It’s heaven!

Scene 6: In front of the Food Bank, later

(Wooton, Matthew, Emily)

EMILY

What did you learn, Wooton?

WOOTON

Not much I’m afraid. Eugene’s massive intellect was too much for me to penetrate, though I almost had him on Chewy Choco Chums with peanut butter and maple syrup.

EMILY

That sounds gross.

WOOTON

The only thing I got from him was that this kingdom is within you.

MATTHEW

Within us?

WOOTON

Yep, like breakfast… uh… except not quite like that. It’s a New Testament thing.

EMILY

Wait, you mean this is like a biblical kingdom?

WOOTON

Yeah, but I doubt I can explain it any better than someone as smart as Eugene can…

MATTHEW

Hmm… Well, what should we do?

WOOTON

I think it’s time we called in the experts.

MATTHEW

Like who?

WOOTON

Who else? Harlow Doyle.

EMILY

(displeased)

What? No. That’s not happening.

WOOTON

Oh, really? Whoops.

EMILY

Whoops? What whoops?

WOOTON

Oh, I already sent him a text. He’s on his way to the Food Bank right now.

EMILY

Great… Alright, back to base camp!

Scene 7: In the Food Bank, later

(Eugene, Harlow)

HARLOW

Aha!

EUGENE

(startled)

Harlow? What are you doing here?

HARLOW

As if you don’t know about a missing kingdom.

EUGENE

Does everyone in Odyssey know about that now?

HARLOW

You, sir, are avoiding the issue and attempting to hide evidence. But I’m here to tell you that justice will be served, and this kingdom will be found!

EUGENE

It’s not missing. It’s still here.

HARLOW

Wait… how am I supposed to go looking for it if you can’t decide whether it’s missing or not?

EUGENE

It exists here, but it will also come into existence in the future.

HARLOW

Ooh! I get it!

EUGENE

You do?

HARLOW

Indubitably. This type of anomaly could not normally happen… unless… unless!...

EUGENE

Unless?

HARLOW

Unless aliens from the future figured out a way to manipulate the fabric of time and space to journey into our present perception, carrying with them this alleged kingdom so that not only would it follow the original time-line by coming into existence in the future, but it would also exist in our own personal now!

EUGENE

Precisely! Because the reality of time is that it exists as a whole, past, present, and future, so what has happened is always with us while what has not yet happened already exists! …wait, did you say space aliens?!

HARLOW

Jumping Jabberwocky! They’re trying to alter the timeline! They’ve probably figured out how to use Red Matter in black holes to erase us from history!

EUGENE

Impossible! History can’t be erased!

HARLOW

There’s only one hope for us now! Give me that ketchup bottle! I must extract the Red Matter before the space aliens erase us all from history!

EUGENE

 Mr. Doyle, no! Don’t squeeze the - Ahhh!!!

Harlow begins squirting ketchup all over the place.

Scene 8: Back in Wooton’s Tree House

EMILY

Alright, we’re back at home base.

WOOTON

Time for some hot cocoa.

MATTHEW

Count me in.

EMILY

Alright, so what have we learned from our investigation so far?

MATTHEW

Well, there’s, uh, not much, and, uh, not much more.

EMILY

No clues we overlooked?

MATTHEW

Well… Only one that comes to mind.

WOOTON

What?

MATTHEW

Eugene did say that this mystery was something he’d learned from someone else.

WOOTON

(gasps)

That’s right! He did!

EMILY

If we could find this other person, we might find more clues.

WOOTON

But who was this person?

EMILY AND MATTHEW

Mr. Whitaker!

Scene 9: At Whit’s End

(Connie, Matthew, Emily, Wooton)

Wooton, Emily, and Matthew walk into Whit’s End. Connie is at the counter.

CONNIE

Hey, guys.

MATTHEW AND WOOTON

Hey, Connie.

EMILY

Is Mr. Whitaker around?

CONNIE

No, he’s out running errands.

What’s going on?

MATTHEW

We were just hoping he’d be here. I mean, this whole thing did start with him after all.

CONNIE

Start with him? What do you mean?

EMILY

He was the one who told Eugene about this scandal.

CONNIE

Scandal!

WOOTON

Yeah… about the mysteriously hidden kingdom.

CONNIE

What? You aren’t making any sense.

MATTHEW

Eugene might be getting into something bigger than himself.

CONNIE

Wait… did you guys say this is about a kingdom? And that Whit and Eugene were talking about it?

EMILY

Yes. Have you heard anything?

CONNIE

Well, it’s not like anybody ever tells me anything… But I did hear Whit say something about doing some sort of kingdom work right before he left. - Here.

Connie hands Emily a piece of paper.

EMILY

What’s this?

CONNIE

Whit wrote this address down. He said he was going there.

WOOTON

You mean this kingdom has an address? Funny, I don’t remember coming across it on my mail route.

EMILY

Thanks, Connie! Come on, Wooton, let’s go!

Matthew and Emily grab Wooton and run out of the shop.

CONNIE

(confused)

Okay… glad I could help.

Scene 10: Outside the Old Building

(Emily, Matthew, Wooton, Mary, Jeremy, Logan)

As Wooton, Emily, and Matthew walk down the snow-covered sidewalk, they pass some Christmas carolers singing the verse from “Of the Father’s Love Begotten” that begins with “O that birth forever blessèd.”

WOOTON

You’ve got to love Christmas carolers. Such a noble trade.

EMILY

Brr… I think it’s getting colder. – And it’s starting to get late, too. We better find some answers soon.

MATTHEW

Well, here we are. 629 Jackson St.

WOOTON

Wow, this building’s really big.

EMILY

And really old, too. Do you think this is what Eugene was talking about? I mean, it looks kind of like a castle with all the towers and stone walls.

WOOTON

It does, doesn’t it?

EMILY

What do you think, Matthew?

MATTHEW

It gives me the creeps.

EMILY

It’s too late to turn back now, Matthew. We’re here.

MATTHEW

(hesitant)

Well… Alright.

They knock on the door. It creeks open. Inside is a woman with an Irish accent.

MARY

May I help you?

EMILY

Hi. My name is Emily. This is Matthew and Wooton. We’re here because we’re trying to learn about a kingdom. And we thought this place was connected somehow.

MARY

Oh, I see. Connie called and said you would be coming. Come on in. I’m Sister Mary, by the way.

They enter the building. Door closes behind them.

EMILY

Nice to meet you.

WOOTON

This place is really a time-shifting castle, isn’t it?

MARY

Well, you’re a peculiar one, aren’t you? This building is a school for orphans.

MATTHEW

Orphans?

MARY

Yes. It was founded by the Sisters of Charity in 1899 in the hope that children whose parents had died would be able to receive a proper education, as well as a bed to sleep in and food to eat.

Two little boys run up.

MARY

Hello there, Logan and Jeremy.

LOGAN AND JEREMY

Hello, Sister Mary.

MARY

Are you on your way to the kitchen? It’s almost supper time.

LOGAN AND JEREMY

Yes, ma’am.

WOOTON

Supper time, eh? So, this building wouldn’t happen to be made of, oh say, edible materials, would it?

EMILY

Wooton, this isn’t a gingerbread castle.

MATTHEW

Great. More messed up fairy tales…

WOOTON

Well, how else would this kingdom be within you?

EMILY

I’m starting to think this place has nothing to do with that.

MARY

Now hold on just a minute. If this kingdom you speak of is what I think it is, then there might be more of a connection to this place than you realize.

MATTHEW

Really?

MARY

Logan, Jeremy, go take our guests to the food pantry. I think they may find the answers to their questions there.

LOGAN

Will we still get supper on time?

JEREMY

Yeah, we’re not going to starve, are we?

MARY

You won’t starve as long as I’m around, but if you want your supper sooner rather than later I’d suggest you stop wastin’ time by talking about it. Now go help our guests.

LOGAN

Yes, ma’am.

(to Emily)

The kitchen’s right this way.

Scene 11: At the Food Pantry Entrance

(Jeremy, Logan, Wooton, Matthew, Emily, Whit, Eugene)

They follow the kids down a hall and to the pantry.

JEREMY

The pantry’s right through here.

EMILY

Thanks.

LOGAN

Let’s go, Jeremy.

The boys leave and our trio enters the food pantry.

WHIT

Well, hello there!

EMILY

Mr. Whittaker? What are you doing here? We’ve been looking for you.

WHIT

I’m waiting for Eugene to drop off a load of food. I’m going to help him unload and sort it. Why were you trying to find me?

EMILY

This whole thing started with you.

WHIT

What thing?

MATTHEW

This mystery about the kingdom that exists but doesn’t exist yet. It has something to do with this place, doesn’t it?

WHIT

Kingdom? Oh, you must have been talking to Eugene about the kingdom that is and is yet to come.

EMILY

That’s the one! We’ve been trying to figure out what happened to this kingdom all day!

WOOTON

Yeah, Eugene said something about the kingdom being inside of you like we all shared it for breakfast.

WHIT

Eugene said that?

WOOTON

Well, he used bigger words… wait… I know what’s going on. You’re stocking up for your long voyage on this time-traveling castle.

WHIT

A time-traveling castle?

(to himself)

Now there’s an idea. I wonder if I could invent something like that…

MATTHEW

This place has to be the kingdom you told Eugene about.

WHIT

You’re close. You see, the real kingdom I was talking to Eugene about is the kingdom of heaven.

EMILY

The kingdom of heaven?

MATTHEW

Ah… so that’s how the Bible fits into this.

WHIT

That’s right. And do you want to know something? The real kingdom of heaven is right on the other side of that door.

EMILY

What? Are you serious?

WHIT

I am. Do any of you want to take a look?

MATTHEW

Uh… at heaven? Does that mean we’re dead?

WOOTON

Oh, man, we must have time-shifted right into the pearly gates! …they look a lot like the kitchen door.

WHIT

Well, I don’t know about that… but heaven truly does lie right on the other side of this door.

Eugene suddenly comes through the door.

EUGENE

Greetings and salutations!

EMILY, MATTHEW & WOOTON

Eugene!!!

Eugene is startled, jumps and makes Eugene-like noises as he drops a large box of snack cakes.

Scene 12: In the Pantry, after brief musical sequence

(Whit, Eugene, Emily, Matthew, Wooton)

WHIT

May I introduce you to the kingdom of heaven… Mr. Eugene Meltsner.

EUGENE

You made me drop my snack cakes.

EMILY

What? Eugene’s the kingdom of heaven? I’m confused.

MATTHEW

Yeah, Eugene’s not that heavenly.

WOOTON

Sure he is! He’s delivering snack cakes, isn’t he? That’s bread from heaven!

EUGENE

I believe I am also confused.

WHIT

Maybe I should explain this. Jesus said that the kingdom of heaven is within us… because Jesus lives in our hearts. This means that we carry a little bit of heaven around inside of us even though we haven’t made it to heaven yet.

WOOTON

I’ll have a lot of heaven inside of me once I get a hold of those snack cakes.

WHIT

People like Sister Mary and Eugene are sharing the heaven that they have inside of them by helping people who need help… and when they do that they are making Odyssey just a little bit more like heaven. They try to turn bad things into good things. So… that is what I meant when I told Eugene that the “kingdom is and is yet to come,” - because heaven will come to us in the future even though it is already inside of us now.

EMILY

That makes sense.

MATTHEW

I’m still confused.

WHIT

That’s okay. It still confuses me, too. That’s the mystery of it. – The divine mystery.

MATTHEW

Hmm… like the song the Christmas carolers were singing outside?

WOOTON

Oh, I love that song.

(begins singing)

“He is Alpha and Omega/ He the Source, the Ending He…”

EUGENE

Oh, yes, that’s the ancient hymn commonly titled “Of the Father’s Love Begotten,” or more originally “The Divine Mystery,” or in the even more original Latin, “Divinum Mysterium.” It speaks to the divine mystery of the beginning and the end of all things, past, present, and future, all being wrapped up into the eternity of God. Heh… now that really is the divine mystery.

WHIT

Thanks for the history lesson.

EUGENE

Well, I admit that it still very much confuses me as well. I doubt I need to point back to my muddled state in the park which began this investigation.

EMILY

You knew we were investigating you the whole time?

WOOTON

It’s that massive intellect of his.

EUGENE

Let’s just say Harlow Doyle isn’t very good at keeping secrets.

WHIT

Maybe one day we’ll all understand the kingdom of heaven a lot better than we do now… but for now, we might as well participate in what we do understand.

EMILY

What do you mean?

WHIT

Turning bad things into good things. Like this orphanage. How would you like to join us in participating in the kingdom of heaven?

EMILY

I’d like that, but how do we join?

WHIT

Well, you’re already part of it since you have Jesus in your hearts, but you can help bring the kingdom of heaven to others, too.

MATTHEW

Really?

WHIT

One way would be by helping us bring all this food inside so the kids can eat breakfast tomorrow.

EMILY

Okay.

WOOTON

Oh, I’d be more than happy to help deliver some bread from heaven.

WHIT

Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go help Eugene.

Whit and Wooton begin helping Eugene carry food.

EMILY

Are you coming, Matthew?

MATTHEW

Yeah… I was just thinking. I’m still kind of confused about this whole kingdom of heaven thing.

EMILY

Yeah, me too. But I think we’ve answered as many questions as we can for now… I guess we’ll have to put this case in both the solved and the unsolved mysteries files back at the office.

MATTHEW

Heh, yeah, I think you’re right. - Hey Eugene, can I help you with that box?

Scene ends with soft orchestral version of last two lines of first verse to hymn “Of the Father’s Love Begotten.”