Your Hair Will Fall Like Cheap Confetti

Nathan, you are getting old

But hopefully not growing mold

I do not know, I’ve not been told

If you have hair, or if you’re bald.


Soon I’m sure, if not already

Your hair will fall like cheap confetti

No more styling it to look like spaghetti

It’s all coming out, so please hold steady.


And then your hearing will begin to go

Your feet won’t take you to and fro

Your senility will be quite the show

But not as much as your older bro.


If you eat right you may even keep your hair

For awhile anyway before they start to compare

you to a naked mole-rat – whose head is also bare

But only if every morning you eat a pair…


Of eggs and fruit with vitamin C

And if you drink enough water even though it makes you pee

During your favorite show, which is worse than during a drawing spree

But very much worth it…unless of course you want to be bald like me.


What does this stuff have to do with anything?

Why, it has everything to do with everything…and nothing

On this day you were born and that’s why we sing

You were born in late summer and not in the spring.


Which means that your chances of balding are lesser than mine

But really it’s only a matter of time

Before the grim reaper comes with his sickle to dine

Upon the bountiful harvest of our poor follicles fine.


Happy Birthday, Nathan! :)