This Old Sage

You are two-thirds of my age
And three-thirds of my height
But don’t start boasting
Because that is just not right.

Unless you boast in Christ of course
As your middle name would suggest
But please don’t preach ‘til midnight
Give that little apostle some rest.

By the time you get to be my age
You’ll be three-fourths on your way
To catching up with the years of this sage
Though your height may stay at bay.

But hey, who knows for sure, right?
After all, I'm a rather short man
By the time you catch up to my age
I may have shrunk an entire span!

Happy Birthday Nathan!!!

Love, this old sage

Cheese and Cherries

Today is your birthday

So don’t get sick

Stay away from fleas

And especially dirty tics.


Don’t eat too much cheese

And many cherries don’t consume

And don’t go "yellow-booking"

Unless you want a heat-stroke doom.


Don’t go near the Iowa border

That would just be silly

You want a happy birthday

So don’t eat Wendy’s chili.

No Raisin Cakes of Death

Happy Birthday, Dad and Caleb!!!


There once was a strong man named Caleb
who had a raccoon on his head
he liked to pick up trees
and eat honeybees
he had a pet bear he named Ted

Actually, ted was really a dog
a dog as big as a log
and her name wasn't Ted
it was tundra, she said
and she ate twice as much as a hog

But there was, so you see, one item that
could make neither dog nor man fat
do not make the assumption
that this is for consumption
Pharaoh used it to ward off the gnat

There once was a rabbi named Stephen
who attempted a cake without Levin
still technically koshers
according to Moshers
but perhaps the measuring scales were uneven

Still at least it was not a raisin cake
so nobody's life was at stake
no lament or grief at Kir Haraseth
for there were no raisin cakes of death
only a sad lemon fake

:) :) :) :)

Your Birthday Kilt

Dearest brother,

You shouldn’t feel such guilt
When you wear your birthday kilt
It’s like a tiny checkered quilt
That you put on with your hilt.

You are a man well-built
On this world with axis-tilt
Rock-like muscles unlike silt
Hidden ‘neath that criss-cross felt.

You’re a Tai Kwon Do black belt
And on top of that a Celt
In your path men cower and wilt
With the likes of you they’ve never dealt.

Like a giant on a stilt
Is this Nathan guy so built
So on your birthday do not jilt
Your manly birthday kilt.

…..just don’t forget your underwear. That’s a bad first impression.

Love, brother

Be Happy This Day You Avoided The Tuxedo

Dear Matthew, you’re my brother
I’m so sorry you’ve been smothered

In Iowa no less
In this horrid heat wave stress.

Not a very nice way
To spend your seventeenth birthday

I send my best wishes
And hugs and kisses

You realize of course this was not my doing
If it were I think you’d be suing

Now go celebrate you birthday
May many blessings come your way

Avoid Wendy’s chili or a bean burrito
And be happy that this day you avoided the tuxedo.

Your Hair Will Fall Like Cheap Confetti

Nathan, you are getting old

But hopefully not growing mold

I do not know, I’ve not been told

If you have hair, or if you’re bald.


Soon I’m sure, if not already

Your hair will fall like cheap confetti

No more styling it to look like spaghetti

It’s all coming out, so please hold steady.


And then your hearing will begin to go

Your feet won’t take you to and fro

Your senility will be quite the show

But not as much as your older bro.


If you eat right you may even keep your hair

For awhile anyway before they start to compare

you to a naked mole-rat – whose head is also bare

But only if every morning you eat a pair…


Of eggs and fruit with vitamin C

And if you drink enough water even though it makes you pee

During your favorite show, which is worse than during a drawing spree

But very much worth it…unless of course you want to be bald like me.


What does this stuff have to do with anything?

Why, it has everything to do with everything…and nothing

On this day you were born and that’s why we sing

You were born in late summer and not in the spring.


Which means that your chances of balding are lesser than mine

But really it’s only a matter of time

Before the grim reaper comes with his sickle to dine

Upon the bountiful harvest of our poor follicles fine.


Happy Birthday, Nathan! :)

Matthew's Favorite State

Matthew, Oh, Matthew, wouldn’t it be great

If next year on this particular and most special date

It became, to your excitement, your most pleasant fate

To hang out in Iowa, your most favorite state?

And drive and drive until really quite late

While listening to Bart ask (for the 100th time) for a butter plate

While the lobsters run wild, though they’d taken the bate.

You see, they chose not to accept their fate,

Though honestly they all still probably got ate.

And you’ll be sitting there chilling in your most glorious fate,

Though basking might be a better word since you won’t be chilled on that date.

You’ll be thinking how good it felt to wear a suit that you hate

And how pleased you were to sacrifice for your brother and his mate

And you’ll be wondering why the Newsboys became the band of Michael Tait

And why your brother made you do this when his wedding was actually on a later date.

It was all brotherly love, you see, because your brother knew it’d be great

If on your birthday you got the treat of visiting your very most favorite state.

…after Utah of course, but that’s asking too much.